Miss Whitley - Part 2

So it was time..........it was 4/5/13 and Raymond and I were off to the hospital at 7am. We dropped Joe off at our Kathy's and it hit me this is the last time I will only have one child to drop off at daycare! We got to the hospital and the weather was so nice. It was kind of a crisp morning, no wind, and spring was in the air. We were walking into the building and I caught a glimspe of my walking full body profile in the glass window. Sweet Jesus I was huge and waddling! I couldn't wait to get Whitley out and see her and be able to take a big deep breath again! We checked in and went back to the get ready for the procedure. I put one of those hot gowns on and my husband was drooling all over me.........just kidding he was actually drooling all over the sandwich and snack my nurse got him. She wanted to make sure he wasn't hungry and had a full tummy before all the events. Seriously......? Who cares about him! Plus I wasn't allowed to eat breakfast so I had to lay there (uncomfortably) and watch him eat! Then he had the nerve to whin about the hospital ham sandwich. The nurse was quite concerned with Raymond comfort level I noticed - it was like, "hey lady - over here, fat chic about to give birth......" Ha! My Dr. came in to check on me and make sure I was ready. It was a waiting game after that. I had to wait for a mom that was having twins to get out of the OR, but I was in there at 10am like planned. I waddled on down to the OR with a different nurse. It was creepy walking in there........it was cold and everyone was standing there staring at me gowned, masked, and gloved. I had to go over to the middle of the room where a table was with a light beaming down just like in the movies. Then I had to get up on it practically NAKED well everyone in the room watched! And of course the nurse anesthetist was a very attractive young man and so was the anestheiologist......awesome....... They numbed me up and got me all ready. I was laying there and a lady approached me and apparently knew who I was. She was so friendly and excited about the baby. Honestly, it took me a minute to register who I was talking too ( I was flying a bit high at the moment ) and it was Joe's former Ped Dr.'s FNP, Deb. She was going to check Whitley when she came out. It was so reassuring and wonderful to see her! When Joe turned 2 they passed him off to a regular Ped Dr. as they specialized in neonates (babies). That was a sad day for me because I loved Dr. Benn, Deb (his FNP), and his nurse. We love our new Ped Dr. though too! I asked her if Dr. Benn was there and told her to tell him to pop in and say "hi". I also sort of jokingly told her that I did NOT want to see him in the NICU! Naturally she understood that! In came my husband who looked extremely nervous and out of sorts. He took a seat behind my head - like an awkwardly long distance from me and looked scared to death. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him and it kind of hurt my feelings he was sitting so far away. Then he mentioned being very terrified of seeing my inners. It's like "Raymond they aren't going to take my guts out and set them on the table for God's sake!" He was truly afraid that he might see something and it will cause him to faint! The procedure went fast and I tell you what my nurse anesthetist was awesome. He told me exactly what was happening the whole time and kept asking me if I was feeling okay. Then he made small talk with Raymond to ease his nerves. All I remember is his name was John.......John where ever you are you should know how fantastic at your job you are! For the most part I did well. Except I was scratching my face off and felt like vomiting the whole time, but when you are flying high that really doesn't bother you too much. I have never itched like that in my life. I was practically scratching my face off - like seriously! It was so weird. I guess I had a reacation to the anesthesia. They gave me medicine to help the nausea. It worked for the time being. Then it happened, I heard my Dr. say, "Jenn she has soooo much hair oh my goodness! What a chunk!" and then......a baby crying. That crying was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard in my life. It nearly brought me to tears. Whitley was breathing. It was so amazing. A baby that can breathe - I refused to take that very moment for granted. The look of worry was gone from Raymond's face and a look I have never seen him have before was there. He looked so happy, proud, and in love. The pictures we have even captured that moment of him so well. It was so happy and so exciting. My Dr. held her up over the protective screen so I could catch a glimpse of her before they cut the cord. I will never forget that glimpse. A had that beautiful healthy baby I prayed and begged God for. I was so grateful! They took her over the heated table and Raymond went over there to be with her. I didn't know this at the time because Raymond told me later, but she was needing quite a bit of help with oxygen. I remember wondering why it was so quiet and why it was taking awhile for them to bring her over to me, but brushed it off that time was moving slow because I was so excited. I remember them saying something kind of casual to me like, "She is just needing a little help with her O2 but she is doing great Jenn." Which I think she was, but Deb the FNP went the extra mile to stay with her and watch her. Raymond confirmed later to me that they wanted to make sure Whitley was fine and didn't have to spend anytime in the NICU on a monitor. I think that would of been kind of traumatic for me to see her on a monitor, so I am glad I didn't have too. They let Raymond bring her over to me once her O2 got straightened out and I just remember wanting to touch her so bad and be close to her but Raymond was hogging her! He would like bring her over to my crazy drug induced scratched off face for a few seconds and then pull her back to him. The nurse sensed my desire to be close to my daughter so she took her from Raymond and put her cheek against mine. I can still feel that moment today in my mind. It was amazing. After that we got some family pics and Raymond went off to the nursery with his new baby girl and Deb the FNP. They got me all fixed up and took me to the recovery room. Part 3 soon to come.........................

Whitley Don Brunson Born on 4/5/13 at 10:47am Mountain Time 7lbs 12ounces and 18.5 inches long And BEAUTIFUL!

Miss Whitley - Part 1

Since Whitley is the newest memeber of our family she hasn't got any "blog attention" yet, so I have decided to do a post about her, but in 3 parts so the read doesn't get too long for you guys. She must of known this because it has taken me almost a week to write the post. The little Miss came down with her first bug EVER on Monday. Poor thing had a 102 temp :( Nothing serious though. Just a yucky, keep Mom up all night bug. Whitley wasn't a planned pregnancy, but neither was my last one :) Unplanned blessing are the best though! I found out about her shortly after Raymond and I returned from our honeymoon in Vegas. I remember having a day in Vegas were I felt kinda "funny" and for a short second had a pregnancy feeling memory flash back, but I thought it was all the heat and sun. Vegas in August is HOT. I also enjoyed some (a lot) of drinks........Mom fail.........I am sorry but I didn't know! I had an emotional meltdown to my Dr. at one of my first appointments about my drinkning on my honeymoon and he told me I shouldn't worry I am not a horrible person. When I found out I was pregnant I wasn't upset... I was happy, but I was scared to tell Raymond. We had decided to be done and enjoy our family the way it was, and that is what he thought we were doing, so I wasn't sure how he was going to react. In fact, I told my sister, sis-in-law, and a couple of my bff's before I told him. That wasn't very cool of me, but I had to tell someone and get their reactions first before his. Seemed legit. Raymond wasn't upset at all. He was like, well it wasn't planned, but it will be great. Then he told me it was a girl he just knew it was. After I told him I felt stupid that I thought he would be upset. We both prayed for 1 baby and 1 HEALTHY baby. I made a Dr.'s appointment immediately. I was kind of pushy and bitchy about it too. I was NOT going to have an experience like last time! I demanded an ultrasound to see how many baby(ies) I was having and that baby looked normal so far. I remember she told me that we have to have a reason for an ultrasound or insurance will not cover it. I told her she better find a reason then because it was happening and soon! I mean I could think of several and I am not a Dr.! I found out about triplets at 19 weeks and since they were born at 26 weeks I didn't really get time to absorb it all plus take care of myself properly. I also demanded that they get all my medical info from Bismarck right away. After that I was a nicer patient. My care this time was WONDERFUL. I had a great medical team working with me. I had a ton of appointments - it was almost overkill - but they really wanted me to have a healthy pregnancy and most importantly a healthy baby to take home. When I went into labor last time my cervix was dangerously short and it basically was already too short the day I found out about the trips. This was due to carrying 3 people in my belly. My Dr. in Bismarck always said it's a house built for 1 not 3. The focus of this pregnancy was to watch that cervix like a hawk. Make sure it's not getting too short...... I had to get my cervical length measured every 2 weeks! It was a lot, but everytime I got my length measured I got to see her via ultrasound. I had more ultrasounds with Whitley than the trips and I LOVED every minute of it! They quit doing lengths at 33 weeks because they said after that studies show it really doesn't matter. Your body is getting ready to give birth in a month or 2 and everyone is different, so it could get really short or not. It just depends and after 36 weeks if you go into labor they will not stop you. My pregnancy with Whitley was rough but WORTH it! First off, I have weird blood, this was discovered after my baby Robert passed. I have prothrombin gene mutation, which means my blood clots fast. I am at risk of having a blood clot and when you are pregnant you are at risk of having a blood clot. The 2 together put my at like a 60% plus chance of developing a clot. So I had to give myself heparin shots twice a day the entire pregnancy and 6 weeks after. I was also terribly sick until about 14-16 weeks. I had bad mourning sickness last time too, but it was like a sudden OMG I am going to throw up everywhere this very second. I would and then I would be fine util the next time, but it made me afraid to go places because of that sudden unexpected upchucking. With Whitley I just felt like I had the flu all day almost every day. I didn't really throw up often, but it was hard to function. I sat a my desk pep talking myself, "pull your shit together Jenn!" all the time. My second trimester was okay, but I got HUGE and FAT! I was so sick of comments about how "big" I was getting. Why do people say that shit? It's one thing to say oh you are getting a baby bump and how cute is your baby bump, but to tell someone they are huge......no.......don't do that. Or the "are you sure there is only one in there?" Excuse me? Do you know who you are talking too? I don't know if it's because I am short or what, but I get really big when I am pregnant. Well last time I expected too get pretty big, but this time I was hoping not too. I really watched what I ate and my salt for several months, but the number on the scale just kept going up so finally I was like screw it I am eating what I want! Bad idea......bad bad idea Jenn. I gained about 65lbs with her and I am pretty sure only 25-30ish has came off so far. Since I was back in my jeans 3 weeks after the triplets I really convinced myself that would happen again. My thrid trimester wasn't so bad, just uncomfortable. At that point I was tired of Dr. appoinments and backaches, insomnia, etc. I just wanted to meet her, and hold her, and kiss her, and LOVE her. I was SO excited that I got past 26 weeks and I was going to have a full term baby. It was the best feeling ever! I remember during ultrasound when they told me she exceeded Joe's birth weight I was so excited! We scheduled her cesection on 4/5/13 at 10am. If I was going to go into labor on my own before that I was going to give it a go by myself, but I didn't (I was secretly glad) and so off to the hospital we went on that cool spring Friday morning. Stay tuned for part 2 Whitley's entrance into the world! 5ish Months

7ish Months

One Year

That is how long Raymond and I have been married on 7/28/13! I can't believe a year has already flown by. When Raymond and I discussed getting married before our actual engagement I didn't think it was a big deal. I mean, we love eachother, we are happy, we already have started a family, we bought a home together - what could possibly change by getting married? As lame as this sounds, the biggest reason I wanted to get married was because I wanted to have the same last name as my kids. It was that simple. To my surprise our marriage did change our relationship much more than just my last name. I feel whole, I feel more in love with Raymond which I didn't think was possible, and I feel like he completes me as a person. I always took our relationship seriously, but now I do on a whole new level. I know how corny that all sounds, but it's true...........it really is. As most of you know, Raymond and I have been on quite a journey together the past almost 5 years. Throughout our journey, especially during the very difficult times, people have lovingly asked me, "Are you guys doing okay? This is a lot to handle.....This can be hard on relationships....." I can honestly say during our very difficult times Raymond and I became closer and more in love with eachother. He is my BIGGEST supporter. He truly cares about my feelings and my opinions. He cares about my mental state. He really tries to understand me. He makes me think about other prospectives when I am being one-sided and stubborn. I, in return, strive to be that person for him. When Raymond came into my life it was random and unexpected. Truthfully, we hadn't been dating long when I got pregnant, but I knew this guy was special so I took it and ran with it. Even if it didn't work out I was going to be a mother and I was determined to be a great mother. Then it was triplets..........then it was preemies..........then it was unbareable loss.......then it was sick children.....and so on and so on and so on. During the entire experience with the babies I kept waiting, almost expecting my whirlwind romance with him to fall apart from the stress, but it didn't. It just got stronger and better and stronger and better. I realized in all this sadness, that was so hard to understand, the Lord brought me this incredible gift. My soulmate. Never did I expect my soulmate to be some redneck from Arkansas who loves country music and guns. The Lord knew and he had plan for us, he brought us together on this journey for a reason. Raymond and I have had many conversations about almost feeling guilty about how happy and in love we felt with eachother during that terrible sadness. That's the truth though. Now our relationship isn't all unicorns and rainbows and I don't mean to make it sound that way. We bicker, we fight, we yell, and we give eachother the silent treatment sometimes. I even go completely psycho on the poor guy occasionally. But that is okay because deep down inside our bond is real and sealed. I guess the saying, "The Lord works in mysteriesous ways" is true. Happy Anniversary to my redneck Husband and the amazing Father to my babies! *****I am posting this now because I get sidetracked on the weekend and might forget*****

The Past

So it's literally impossible for me to recap the last like year and half to be "up to par" on the blog, so what I can do is highlight the major events. Most of you know what is going on in my life anyways ;) One year ago this coming Sunday is my one year anniversary! I can't believe Raymond and I have been married that long already - it's not LONG, but I mean a year fly's by quickly! When we got married I was knocked up again but didn't know it. Whitley Don Brunson arrived at 10:47AM Mountain Time on 4/5/2013 of this year :) Best unplanned idea we ever had and I carried her for an entire nine months! She came out perfect and healthy. Plus she was breathing! That can be taken for granted my friends. Even though I let Raymond name the triplets I decided to let him name her too. She is named after Keith Whitley and Don Williams. Apparently these guys are some of Raymond's most favorite country music singers of all time. I personally had no idea who the hell they were, but needless to say I think he did a great job baby naming for the 4th time. Joe started preschool in October 2012. That was a big one for me. I was so afraid for him to go to school for some reason. He LOVES it and is quite a hit at school. I was so worried for him to be in this big huge school and riding the bus and going to PE and working with new therapists and and and............ I majorly overreact with him, but that is a whole another blog post. Blake is still adorable and wonderful........and HELPFUL! If I would of known how helpful 6 yr olds were I would of wanted them around all the time. He never complains about it either. He wants to help me do anything and I am starting to love our conversations. He is so smart and our conversations have jumped into a new level. He is starting kindergarten this year. Well I think I will leave it at that. I have a crying baby that wants to eat.

Fresh

Notice the new look? The new name? It's a new Jenn and new blog. Okay it's not a new blog it's the same one, but I wanted to give myself a fresh start on it. I love writing. There are way better writers out there then myself, but that is okay. Writing is theraputic and I have decided that my life isn't that busy anymore and to make time for it. I mean everyone is busy not just me and we all need to make time for the stuff we enjoy! I think this is like my 3rd promise to myself to start blogging again......but it will stick.......I think.......I hope! I am anxious to start writing again.

Epic Fail

That is what I call my blogging...........

I am determined to get back on track with this!  The past 6 months has been so busy.  I truly mean this........insane.......crazy........ridiculous.....busy!  We have had so many changes in our lives.  It's hard to know where to start, but I have come up with a plan ;)

I am going to recap my last 6 months in the next week by doing a piece on each month I have missed since Feb. 2012.

Shame on you Jenn!

Just Say It Out Loud Already!

I have decided to do this post - just so I can vent some of my frustration about this particular subject.  So here it goes............

I wish someone would just say out loud .....to me......."Jenn, Joe has cerebral palsy."  NO ONE HAS SAID IT TO ME!  I mean........I am aware he does and Joe's therapy ladies and I have talked about it.  It just annoys me that I take him to the Dr.'s and we do all this CP related treatment stuff, but no one has ever looked at me and said that he has CP.  Why? 

It's not that I want Joe to be labeled, besides it's not a label it's just a part of who he is.  That's not a bad thing - no I'm not like happy he has CP - no one wants that for their child.   I am not going to view it negatively though.  I refuse too.  We, as in our family and Joe, will carry on living a normal and happy life. We will do whatever we need to do for him.  He will never be treated any different than anyone else in this family.

I just feel like no one wants to be the one who diagnoses him or tells me he has CP.  Maybe they all assume I already know?  I just want a Dr. to tell me that Joe has CP and these are the things we are going to do to help him along the way.  In fact, Joe's OT is having problems with my health insurance because on the billing he is diagnosed as developmentally delayed.  Which is a common diagnoses in the beginning for preemie babies.  They need a reason to have therapy in order for insurance to cover the sessions.  They are starting to not want to pay because it's like how long is he going to be developmentally delayed??  They want a diagnoses .......... a reason little Joe has therapy!  We actually have to call the Dr.'s office and ask them to diagnose him so insurance doesn't have a problem covering the sessions.

I don't want this for Joe, like I said previously.  No one would, but it is what it is - so lets own up to it and lets move forward with it.  It's going to be fine - this does not define Joe, it's a part of him, but not his definition!  It's not his label or our family's label.

So here I am saying it out loud............

Joe has cerebral palsy.

Joe's 6 Month Review Part 2

Okay, to say I am a little behind on the blogging about Joe's 6 month review is an understatement. 

PT -  As far as physical therapy goes, Kim and I had a goal that Joe would pull himself up to stand and scoot along furniture.  Well ....Joe isn't doing that, but his standing has improved a ton!  We still help him stand against furniture (he can't pull himself up to stand) and he seems to enjoy it.  We use the ottoman in the living room - then we can put toys on it and he plays with them well he stands.  It is almost like he forgets he is standing because he is having so much fun and can do it for a long time, it's just getting there that hasn't clicked :)   His sitting up is what has improved the most.  He can pretty much sit up by himself for a good 10 minutes.  He even catches himself when he starts to tip.  Joe's problem with sitting is he doesn't put himself into that sitting position we have to set him into it.  I believe he could do it, but it doesn't come natural to him.  It's like me just suddenly writing with my left hand - it doesn't happen it's not automatic to me.  My goal is to encourage him so it becomes natural.  Working on him with it over and over and over, until he just one day pulls himself up to sit up.  He can play and watch TV laying on his belly, so that is what he does.  If we put him into sitting he will sit and do it - he just doesn't think to do it.  We also have a little walker for Joe.  In this walker he can turn a complete circle and move around.  When he gets tired he can stop and hang in his chair part.  It also has bars all around the side so he can hold on.  He is a bit short right now to reach the handles and hold on when he walks, but he likes to chew on them.  Walking is still very new to him so he doesn't really understand the concept yet, but he goes backwards.  He knows if he push his feet against the ground and springs them back up it will send him backwards until he hits a wall and can't move back anymore.  Then Mom needs to come and push him away so he can start over. Our new goals for the next 6 months is pretty much the same, we just added taking steps into it.  Not walking alone, but taking steps when we are holding on to him. We want him to learn to put one foot in front of the other.  Kim started doing that and it actual made us a bit emotional because that foot in front of the other is a natural reaction in our brain, but because of Joe's injury it's not natural he has to develop a pathway in his brain to create that movement naturally.  Sorry got side tracked..........it made us emotional because he started doing it put one foot in front of the other and he was doing it with his right leg.  The right side of his body is the side that doesn't work well.  It was a huge deal to us :)

OT - Occupational therapy is Joe's best of the three therapies.  He really excels at it.  Sarah works on things like stacking blocks, pulling apart stuff and putting it back together, puzzles, feeding himself, sitting, crawling on all fours, drawing, rolling the ball back and fourth, and eating-chewing food.  Joe loves to play with her toys.  He likes to mimic what Sarah tells him to do.  Like.... put the pegs on the peg board,  draw on the magnadoodle, scooping stuff and transferring it from one bucket to the next, and stacking blocks and cones.  The determined look on his face is priceless.  He loves to do stuff like that and he gets it......he is good at it.  That makes my heart melt because he understands commands.  He watches you do something and then he knows how to do it.  That is big to me.  I feel like his cognitive stuff is well then.  He reminds me so much of his Dad in that way - when he wants to do something he wants to do it - he won't stop until he does it.  Even if it doesn't work out the first time.  He isn't lazy - he just keeps going and going.  When he knows how to do something or figures it out he just wants to keep doing it - it almost looks like he is trying to perfect himself.  I wish I was more like that in my life!  He has my good looks and Raymond's determination I guess.....LOL....just kidding!  I like to say that because he looks exactly like his father - but he had to of inherited all my good qualities too right?  Our new goal for this next 6 months with OT is that Joe will eat with his cute cute little fork and spoon.  I think I need to post a picture of them!  Right now he feeds himself - with his hands.  Which is a HUGE improvement and we basically met that goal from last time's goals.  He also drinks all by himself with his sippy cups. 

Speech - This is Joe's hardest one.  The worst injury in his brain occurred in the speech part.  He has made progress though.  Amanda is doing an excellent job with him.  I do not get to see therapy much with Amanda because she goes to daycare for his sessions, but she leaves me notes about what they have done.  I can tell she is working with him because his talking and hand - eye coordination is improving.  Honestly, I can't remember the goals we made because 6 months ago I had only suggested to start speech so we did.  I didn't really know where we were at.  I wish I would of suggested it sooner because it's going to be his biggest struggle, but I didn't know.  I didn't even really notice his talking skills either because he is my first baby ever and he said Mama so I didn't really care ........ just kidding again.  Truthfully, I knew he was behind, but thought it was fine because he was expected to be from the extreme preemie baby thing.  His communication has improved but he only says between 4-6 words.  They include:  Mama, Dada, Yeah, Yumm, Mmmm, Eat or "E", and he is recently saying "Blue" he loves that crazy dog on Blue's Clues.  Just yesterday he was saying "No" so maybe another new word?  Amanda and I have discussed getting Mr. Joe an IPad.  IPad's can do amazing things for kids that can't communicate well.  They have apps you download and you can put anything on there.  Joe can go to it and show me what he wants or is trying to say.  It can be as complex or simple as you want it to be.  It becomes more complex the older he gets.  The same as speaking - the older a child is the more they discuss and request from you.  An example is the IPad can have a picture of "playing" or "sleeping" Joe will point to which he wants.  Or eat - bath - play - sleep - read - etc.  Then he picks what he wants and we can elaborate off of it.  Okay you want to eat - what do you want to eat?  Then pictures of foods Joe likes will come up and he can point to them.  The older he gets the more complex his options and discussions will become.  Right now we wanted to set a goal or giving Joe decisions and work on pointing with his finger.  Once he gets that down - we can look into the IPad more seriously.  Maybe by then Blue Cross Blue Sheild will realize it's a medical necessity and pay for it too :)  I am greedy!  Raymond's Mom - Joe's Grandma is such a wonderful loving person and offered to help pay for one too when the time comes.  What an amazing gift!  She is such an incredible Mom and Grandma and we feel blessed she is in our lives!

On another note - Joe is now crying when all his therapy girlfriends leave.  He has really grown attached the them.  I don't blame him they are amazing!  It's sweet that he hates to see them go! 

   

Robots for Blake

I designed a new blog site just for Blake - robots galore.  I couldn't resist.  I have a big post almost complete about Joe's 6 month review.  You know - the one I promised like a month ago???   And I have lots more to say, so I best get my butt in gear on this robot love page I've created.

Stay tuned - until then enjoy the busy robot madness!

Ice-Cream for Jenn.... yes please!

So I literally just discovered like 5 minutes ago that July is National Ice Cream Month. 

Why am I blogging about this you ask??  Well it's no secret at my house that Jenn LOVES ice-creams.  In all shapes and forms. Scoops in a bowl, cones, sandwiches, mcflurries, dilly bars, all flavors, toppings.........love!  I am always teased by Raymond about where all ice-cream disappeared too?  Or he brings home ice-creams and tells me I am not allowed to have any!  I will literally eat all of it in a matter of days and I am not ashamed to say it - unless I am lying to Raymond about being the one who polished it all off.  It's funny when Raymond goes to get himself a creamy delightful treat only to discover there is nothing in the freezer.  I know it's gone, but I do not try to stop him from checking.  He will then ask me, "Jenn did you eat all the ice-cream?"  and I will flat out lie, "No - I don't think I ate all of the ice-cream."  I am a terrible liar that is why it is very out of character for me to be dishonest, but we will both start laughing at my harmless dishonest answer because it's so ridiculous and childish that I even try.......    :)

Not only did I discover that July is National Ice Cream Month ................. I discovered some very wonderful facts in relation to this fantastic idea of a month.  It was declared National Ice Month in July (the month I was born) 1984 (the year I was born) by President Reagan.  The third Sunday of July is National Ice Cream Day and my birthday is the 16th.  That has to be close to the third Sunday every year right?  Is this a coincidence?  I think not!!!  I think discovering this explains a lot and I should probably continue to eat as much ice-cream as I need too because this month was made for me! 

Joe's 6 Month Review - Part 1

The other night all of Joe's girlfriend came to the house to do his 6th month therapy review.  By girlfriends - I mean Sarah his occupational therapist, Kim his physical therapist, Amanda his speech therapist (she was not there but was in spirit), and Jennifer our Birth to 3 case manager.  Birth to 3 is a program in SD that is FANTASTIC!  I have nothing but wonderful things to say about it and honestly it makes me love living here. This state provides such an incredible program and I would never move because I want Joe to have these ladies in his life.  Birth to 3 is basically what it says - children from the ages birth to 3 years old that have special therapy needs are eligible for this program.  You coordinate with your case manager the types of services your child will need and how extensive the therapy will be.  After that is determined they contact the therapist the state has a contract with (at least I think they have a contract or get referrals? Something like that.....) and set up at home therapy sessions.  Each one of Joe's therapist owns a therapy business and travels around doing in home therapy for children.  They come to your house or they will go to daycare whichever works out best.  They are wonderful!  They are wonderful people but most importantly wonderful therapists.  Raymond and I love them and so does Joe ;)  When I moved here I had a bad experience with therapy in ND and I was really not sure about using any therapy services here.  I was thinking I should just take Joe to the hospital weekly to work with therapist.  Kim and Sarah completely worked around my schedule and they come at 6pm so I can be there to do therapy with Joe.  I do not have to miss out on it or take time off of work.   Kim (PT) and Sarah (OT) have been working with Joe for just about 2 yrs.  Amanda started her services this past July 2011 when I noticed that Joe isn't talking.  Amanda didn't have any evenings available, but she sees Joe in daycare.  We communicate well and often so that makes it nice. I always feel in the loop.  These ladies and I communicate about Joe AND everything else in between!  I have became good friends with them. In fact, Raymond told me - in a nice way - I need to shut up when they are trying to work with Joe because I probably drive them nuts.  Hehe - I don't though Raymond is wrong.  Joe also has an awesome daycare provider, Kathy,  that works on the therapy with him.  Jennifer our case manager coorindates everything - making sure that Joe is getting all the services I think he needs.  She keeps track of our goals and outcomes.  We meet up every 6 months with the therapists to discuss those things.  I can email or call her anytime with questions or concerns.  The best part about this program is it doesn't cost us one cent!  They bill insurance and whatever insurance doesn't pay for the program picks up the tab.  They also accept medical assistance and pick up the tab if assistance doesn't cover the entire bill.  If you have nothing - no insurances - no medical assistance they pay for the entire thing.  It's truly important to the state that children get the therapy they need and they do not want people to skip out on it because they cannot afford it.  It's great to live in a state that cares about children that much! 

Since I don't want to make this post too long I will elaborate on what we discussed during the meeting later on this week.  Lots of good things and lots of goals for little Joe :)  

Jenn the Tree Hugger

That title has a funny ring to it huh?  I never thought I would say that about myself.  I never use to be "thrifty" or "environmentally friendly" in fact, I was more like the high maintenance wasteful type. 

Thanks to pinterest and Raymond and I's ambition to save more money I have became rather thrifty and crafty. 

My first thrifty act was making our own laundry detergent.  Not only am I saving tons of money I get a lot of enjoyment out of telling people I make our laundry soap.  I am dorky like that.  With my new recipe I am spending about one cent per load.  I love the stuff too.  At first I thought maybe I loved it because I made it and not because it works awesome.  It isn't like this super awesome detergent by any means, but Raymond and I see no difference from the store bought soap.  Our clothes smell and look clean.  That is enough to make me love it - one penny and I see no difference from the $12-$20 2 gallon bottles at Walmart. Fantastic!

While I was making our laundry soap I decided I wanted to try and make more stuff.  I also discovered that vinegar is pretty awesome stuff.  In fact, you can use just that for a fabric softener.  It does not make your clothes smell like vinegar and it keeps your washing machine sparkling clean!  I found a fabric softener recipe that I really like too.  It is vinegar, water, and conditioner - yes conditioner!  I buy the cheapest bottle of conditioner I can find.  Suave has a big selection and you can pick the one you think smells the best.  I am a sucker for stuff to smell good! 

My other homemade cleaner is 409.  This one I am a little iffy on.  I may do more research to find a different one, but this works well.  It is vinegar, dawn dish soap, borax, and water.  It really smells like vinegar when you are using it, like takes your breathe away almost.  Vinegar is just a really gross smell.  But it can clean a shower like no ones business!  I think I will try and modify the recipe - the one I found needs to be diluted.  By the way - a gallon of vinegar is only like $2!  So I can make a lot of stuff out of a bottle of vinegar!

My next big homemade creation is going to be dishwasher soap.  Word on the street is it only cost around 60 cents a load.  Wow!  I am really addicted to my Cascade Complete - so hopefully I will like this stuff.  As soon as the Cascade is gone I am going to go for it. 

Not only is the savings fun, but to say I make all this stuff is fun.  I always am trying to convince others to try it as well.  Thrifty, fun, and earth friendly :)  Yay!    

Goodbye 2011 - Hello 2012

I must say I love New Year's.  In fact, in my bachelorette days New Year's Eve was my favorite event and I always managed to get out of work both the Eve and the Day.  That allowed me to do a lot of celebrating ;)  There is something about it being a new year - I can't explain the feeling it gives me.  Just the whole idea it's brand new and I can make this year whatever I want it to be :)  It's like everyone gets to start over. 

I was reading my dear friend's blog and she did a recap of the year and I loved that idea so I am going to completely copy her.  Hope you don't mind Tracey :)

Saying goodbye to 2011 - a lot happened, good and bad. 

January 2011 - our first month without Ella.  It was tough.  We made it though.  We had to make a lot of adjustments, getting use to not being so busy with all the medical stuff, the phone calls, etc. Suddenly it was all gone.  It was odd....unsettling - like a huge part of my life suddenly vanished.  Even though it was hard to deal with that stress all the time - it made me very sad when it was gone.  On a happy note Raymond's 34th birthday was on the 28th.  We met up with my Sissy Megan and my Dad Doug in Deadwood, SD and celebrated Raymond's big day.  It was a BLAST I tell you!  Right guys?

February 2011 - We had our first family ice fishing trip.  Otherwise very boring month.

March 2011 -  My cousin did a very thoughtful project at school in memory of Ella.  It touches my heart every time I think of it.  A group of students and herself were able to get fabric donations and they made blankets for the children at the Children's Hospital in Denver, CO.  You guys are amazing!  Thank you again from the bottom of my heart! 

April 2011 - Joe had his first swimming pool experience at Evan's Plunge in Hot Springs, SD.  He loved it and I realized my boy is probably the next Michael Phelps.

May 2011 -  A very special....wonderful....adorable boy turned 4 yrs old.  To celebrate we had a robot birthday party.   Love you Blakers!

June 2011 - We took a much needed vacation to Arkansas.  It was a great time!  It was wonderful to see the people we love and get to relax.  Also, I went into a canoe in a dirty creek - something I never thought I would be able to say :)  So now I love to tell people because those who know me well  know that is out of character for me.

July 2011 - I turned 27 yrs old - 30 is coming up soon!  For a birthday present to myself we painted the living room.  The older you get the more exciting your birthdays are apparently! 

August 2011 - I was a waitress/bartender at the Sturgis bike rally.  WOW!!!  is what I have to say about that.  It was my first year, but I loved it and if I ever get another opportunity to work at it again I will snatch it up!  I really enjoyed it!  I worked with a great group of people and made some nice pocket change :)

September 2011 - Ummmm.....yeah I got nothing, must of not been that exciting of a month.  I think that might of been the month I told Raymond we are getting married.......!  Then changed his facebook status to "engaged" without him knowing.  Love you Raymond!  Really though - he wanted to marry me he just needed a little push.......that's all.

October 2011 - We had a visit from Raymond parent's, Mom Judy and Dad Robert.  It was wonderful to see them as always.  Another very special......wonderful.....adorable boy had a birthday.  Joe Joe turned 2 yrs old :)  My brother, Michael, scared the living daylights out of everyone and was in a terrible auto accident :(  The 29th was Robert's 2 yrs in heaven birthday.  I miss him, but it's comforting to know he is with his sister.  On Halloween I took a giraffe and a hockey player trick or treating.

November 2011 -  Again, a pretty quiet month.  We hosted Thanksgiving at our house.  My brother Michael was transferred from the hospital in Mandan, ND to the rehab hospital here in Rapid City, SD.  Which was wonderful because we were able to spend Thanksgiving with him.  They even gave him a 3 hour pass to come to my house for dinner.  Also, Raymond bought my engagement ring, on Black Friday to be exact - but we picked it up in December so technically that is next months recap right?

December 2011 - On the 14th was Ella's one year in heaven birthday.  I was sad but decided to turn that frown upside down and celebrate her heaven birthday. I know she is in a much better place than here, so we should be happy not sad.  We can still miss her though!  I got my ring from Raymond this month and it was gorgeous, he did a perfect job.  I know he put a lot of thought into his choice, he looked at lots of rings, took advise from everyone, and saved up his money for a long time.  So thank you :)  I love it! Blake had his first Christmas concert with his fellow preschoolers.  It was very cute and he did a fantastic job! We hosted Christmas at our house.  It was a nice time - Michael was discharged from the hospital and home to enjoy the holidays with all of us too.  Santa spoiled the kids and we ate lots of yummy food! 

So there you have it 2011 in a nutshell!

ND Bound

This weekend we are traveling north to spend some holiday time with my family in North Dakota.  We leave tomorrow morning and will be heading back on Sunday late afternoon, so it's going to be a quick trip. 

I still have some gifts to get and packing to do tonight - as we are having a Christmas/New Years Day celebration at my Grandma and Grandpa's house in Richardton, ND.

Tomorrow we are going to make a quick trip to Bismarck to visit my cousin Shawn.  Shawn is in the hospital right now having a rough time.  So let send lots of prayers and positive vibes his way and my Aunt's way as she has been at the hospital with him for over 2 weeks!!!!  Bless her heart! 

I am so ready for 2012!  Lots of exciting happy events are going to occur - our January weekend trip to Deadwood with my Dad, our wedding, Raymond and I are going spend a week in Vegas for our honeymoon, my 10 year class reunion should be this summer, and we plan on a trip to Arkansas for Christmas.  Plus the usual yearly happy stuff like Blake's 5th birthday and Joe's 3rd birthday.  I can't believe how big they are getting :) and I love having over the top parties for them! 

Happy New Year everyone!!! 

Ahhh....What a Nice Weekend!

This weekend was filled with commotion, food, fun, great company, drinks, and presents.....lots of presents!

On Friday night Raymond and I went Christmas shopping - literally just started we had NOTHING done.  It was fun......we got the boys their gifts and a few others.  After all the shopping we had supper and went to a movie together.  I was in desperate need for a date night, so it was perfect timing!  Sometimes when you have kids you are so busy running around them you forget about how much fun it is to hang out with each other!

We celebrated the holidays at our house.  I am glad to say my grinchy self was at bay and I really enjoyed our family time!  I even put up the tree on the 24th and decorated the house a little.  How could Santa possibly come to a house with no tree or stockings? 

My Dad came down from my hometown of Mott to have Christmas with us.  The rest was my family, my brothers, and my Mom.  Small but fun.

On Saturday night we got Blake and once we got home we wasted no time.  We baked Santa some cookies, because we wanted him to leave us a good present.  The next morning the kids opened presents and boy did they get a lot of gifts!  Spoiled, but they deserved it. 

Raymond decided to start the floor project in the playroom and my Dad was there to supervise as he would say :)  They did an excellent job!  You are probably wondering why we would need to put a new floor down on a room we just remodeled?  Well.... we have 3 stupid dogs that try to ruin my life.  I know that sounds mean and if they were gone I would be sad, but I am a perfectionist, so having these dogs destroy all our efforts at a nice house makes me fuming MAD!  I cannot understand why Raymond likes them so much because all they do is make me furious! We had a laminate floor and since Juicy our black lab is a brat she thinks it is okay to go "hide" somewhere and pee.  She goes into rooms that I am not frequently in because she knows I won't see her and thinks I will never find it.  This is true to some degree.......well no matter how much I cleaned that floor it just felt disgusting.  Like pee soaked to the bottom of it or something.  I didn't want the kids to play in there which defeats the whole purpose of a playroom.  Raymond agreed it was disgusting,  so now we have slate tile and nothing will get underneath that!!!  In a way it was a blessing because the slate looks nicer I think!  Gotta love $1300 floors wasted!  Damn dogs!

Sunday while the boys worked on the floor I slaved away in the kitchen cooking the meal.  I enjoyed some wine well I cooked, which also makes me feel like I am a better cook ;)

It was a great weekend that went by very fast!  Hope everyone has a wonderful 2012 - it's just around the corner!     

The Grinch

I debated on doing a post about this, but since it's my blog and I can do what I want I decided I would.

So I am just going to say it.  I can't stand Christmas.  I know..... how terrible and you are thinking, "I can't believe she is publicly announcing it.  Keep it to yourself lady."   It's true though.... I hate it.  I try to be a very positive happy upbeat lady, but sometimes I just don't really feel like it. 

Why I can't stand Christmas you might ask? 

Well Christmas has so much character.  It is such a symbolic month compared to the others.  There are so many things, smells, songs, etc. that are well........ Christmas.  I can't think of any other month quite like it.

Do you ever smell something or see something or hear something that REMINDS you of something?  Of course you do.  I can think of a lot of things that remind me of a time in my life happy or unhappy.  With that being said........everything Christmas reminds me of Ella.  In fact, October 28th (when Robert passed) to January 1st is kind of a depressing time for me.  Because who can be sad about New Year's when everyone gets to start over?  The first Christmas in 2009 when the kids were still in the NICU Ella was very sick and of course the year after that Ella became a Princess Angel. 

So the music, the smells, the food, the decorations, the presents, the TV shows, the lights it all reminds me of a very sad time.   A very sad one.  Sometimes to the point that it feels like all those awful things are happening again right now.  It is so ugly to feel depressed and just wish something away so you can be happy and not think about it in depth anymore.  It's almost like an unwanted visitor coming to see me and torture me......"Oh great Christmas is here again put on your happy face and be normal."  I have to for the kids - I don't want to ruin it for them.  I do not want them to be adults and say, "Christmas wasn't a fun time at our house because our Mom was such a downer about it.  Our Mom crushed our Christmas spirit just because she was miserable!"  How selfish would that make me?  I didn't even put my tree up this year, decorate my house, or decorate my office!

  This is still fresh and new.  I think in time my attitude will change.  I really think it will, but for now I am Jenn the Grinch and that is just the way it is going to be this year and maybe a few more to come.  Until I decide to quit feeling sorry for myself and being selfish.


Merry Christmas Everyone!  (That's a good start right?)       
 

What Has Blake Been Up Too........?

 I can't believe how big Blake is getting and how much he has changed since last year! I was thinking about 2012 coming up and comparing him to early 2011. What a big boy!

1.  Blake started preschool this year.  It is just darling let me tell you!  He tells me about school and his teacher Ms. Kiefert (sp?) who I can tell he likes tremendously!  Blake likes to sing songs to Joe that he has learned at preschool and occasionally will put on a little concert in the living room.  He stands on the ottoman and sings his heart out! When he is really feeling it he plays air guitar.  Joe is his biggest fan and has attended every live performance Blake has put on :)  I have also noticed since he started preschool that he really knows his colors, numbers, and is getting good with letters.  He also does a lot more than just scribbling when he colors/draws.  I love looking at his art work!  Just over a week ago my brother Michael and I went to his xmas program.  They created snowmen costumes out of construction paper, yarn, fabric for their scarves, and paper plates.  It was super cute.  Listening to him sing was great too - he did a fantastic job.  I was so proud!

2.  Blake is getting very tall!  We started doing measurements on the trim in the entrance way between the living room and kitchen.  I got a black sharpie and have him stand straight up against it and we draw a line for his height, write his name next to the line, and put the date by it.  (Joe is also being measured :)  I told Blake we will check their height every 6-7 months.  The next measurement is going to be the first week of April 2012 sometime.  He tells me he needs to drink a lot of juice and milk so he is very tall next time!  Once he gets tall enough Daddy is going to buy him a big boy gun.  That frightens me but okay.....

3.  Blake loves animals.  We have 3 dogs now - Syd, Juicy, and Oakley is the newbie - Blake plays with them constantly.  Especially Oakley!  They have a blast (or I feel sorry for the dogs) and I feel like I am a nag because it's a constant, "you guys need to settle down!" coming from me. It is to loud and crazy for the house, but it's a delight to watch them play together.  Joe thinks it's a hoot too!  Blake also has a split personality - he is either his sweet wonderful Blake self or he is Brutus the friendly puppy doggie self.  He will crawl in bed with us panting and barking.  I use to say, "Are you a puppy Blake?" and he would say, "No JuJu I am Brutus the puppy doggie!"  So then I would have to pet his ears and scratch his head.  Now I just know when his second personality Brutus comes and go with it.  ***Blake doesn't really suffer from split personality I am just being silly***  Sometimes folks take things out of context.......  Haha!

4.  Blake loves popsicles, noodles, buns, bread sticks, juice, popcorn, ice-cream, and pancakes.  Literally, those are the only things I can get the boy to eat.  In fact, he would only eat popsicles all day if Raymond and I would allow it.  To be honest I hate to be the bad guy - so when he has had enough popsicles I make Raymond tell him "no" when he asks for another one.  I know.... I am quite clever like that.  Raymond can't figure out why he answers the who is your favorite question as "JuJu's my favorite!"  Tricky tricky I am....too bad Raymond can't be so clever.... :)   He decided this year he hates tomato sauces of any nature.  So no spaghetti, spaghettio's, lasagna, and he is picky with pizza.  It's funny how kids just have a sudden change of heart on food like that!  Someone should teach me this trick!

5.  Blake is very wonderful with Joe.  He loves to make him laugh and knows just how to do it too.  He plays peek-a-boo with him and acts like a crazy monster.  Sometimes they get a little too crazy and have to settle them down with the monster thing, but it is still cute!  Joe has been pretty whinny lately - the terrible 2's - and when he whines Blake will say, "JuJu Joe Joe needs to take a nap now." or "JuJu Joe Joe told me he wants to take a nap and that is why he is crying."  The second one is my personal favorite.  He will also sit there with his hands over his ears shaking his head like he can't believe how terrible Joe is being...haha!  They do play together well and Blake likes to push Joe in his stroller or around the house in his walker toy.  I love the looks on Joe's face when he is listening or watching Blake.  I think Blake is a comfort to him and he knows that's his big brother.  They look a lot alike too.........you can certainly tell they are brothers. 

6.  My favorite quality of Blake is he is so sweet natured and honest.  He is never mean to people and he is kind without trying, almost like it isn't an effort at all.  I love his personality, how he is so eager to tell me stories and he is full of imagination and adventure.  He always admits to breaking something or losing something and apologizes for it right away.  You can't even get mad at him because he handles it almost perfectly!  I think the world would be a better place if more people were like Blake Brunson!

Love you Blakers.......

                Snowman at his Xmas concert :)

Blake and Daddy at their 2011 annual Hippo fountain picture

             Daddy and Blake fishing in Arkansas 2011

                  Goofing off - Jenn, Blake, and Joe - July 2011

                  Can you find Blake??? 

              Do you love DJ Lance in the background?



         

12-14-11 Year One

So today..............

Today is the one year anniversary of Ella's passing.  It's a heart wrenching day really.  I am trying to be positive instead of laying in bed all day crying.  It was tempting though.  I even had a plan for today.  I was going to call in sick at work, lay in my bed with my special Ella box and my laptop, and I was going to cry.  I was going to look through all her lovely things..... all my keepsakes.....all my memories the good and the bad.....check if I can still smell her on her blankets.....admire her beautiful dresses....look at the millions of pictures...... play with her toys......listen to her music.......watch videos of her of us.  Yeah........ that was the game plan.  Yesterday I decided I couldn't do it.  I won't..........it's hard not too, but I need to celebrate her first year in heaven not cry about it.  Celebrate that she is no longer in pain, that she can breathe, she can eat, she can move, she isn't hooked up to machines, she doesn't have tubes and needles in her, and most importantly she isn't suffering anymore.

I go back - back to that day and the moments surrounding it.  She was suffering and it just felt horrible and I felt helpless.  I wanted to trade places with her and I couldn't.  I have spent several moments this past year feeling very confident that the best thing was done for Ella - the best I knew to give her.  I have also spent moments scared, scared I did the wrong thing for her.  Scared that wasn't what she wanted.  She couldn't tell me.  Every decision I made during her 14 months was the best I knew to make.  Everything I did was in good intentions for everyone involved.  I always thought of my needs and wants last..........ALWAYS.  Despite what I have heard or been told by others (which I have also learned that people are assholes).  I spent this first year reflecting a lot about everything that happened.  I always feel comforted by knowing I was really always trying to do the right things.  But really what is the right things when you are in that situation?  I wish there would of been a book of answers for me.

I have never told anyone this, but shortly before she passed I was holding Ella and she was very sick.  I told her, "Ella, if you want or can't do this anymore Mommy understands and still loves you and will always love you forever."  Right after I said that.........she stopped breathing and coded.  Of course they took her from my arms and revived her - like I seen happen a million times, but that time it felt different and after that I knew.......I knew she wasn't going to live.  I felt like she was telling me something - like she heard me. It was different than the 100's of times I called Raymond hysterically bawling telling him this is it and that she was really going to die this time.  I wasn't hysterical and desperate for a miracle.  I was so sad I was almost calm - I knew what was happening.  I knew it was going to be the most devastating thing that would ever happen to me and I knew it was out of everyones hands and in God's now.  There was only one thing Raymond and I could do for her.  Something we never wanted it to come too.

I would give anything to rock her one more night in our rocking chair.  Just her and I while she sleeps on my chest.  Ella smelt like vanilla oatmeal baby soap and clean laundry :)  When she would sleep I would look down at her shut eyes and admire her mile long eyelashes.  She was a beautiful little girl even though she was so sick and never felt very good. Ella was still so pretty.

Raymond and I decided it was time for Ella to start living - and sadly that couldn't be with us any more.  Ella wasn't living here though she was just existing. 

I believe now she is living.  That is all I ever wanted for her.  So lets celebrate that!     

     

What's Joe Been Up Too???

Little Joe is growing up like a weed!  What has he been doing lately?  LOTS - I am amazed at how much he has grown and continues to change. 

1.  Joe can totally get around commando crawling now.  This is also known as "belly crawling".  He goes everywhere. Constantly.  All the time.  I use to not watch him too carefully (that makes me sound like an irresponsible Mom I know, but honestly is a virtue) because he just stayed in the living room in his "area" with his toys.  He played away not really going out on any adventures. Now he is in the bathroom, my bedroom, his bedroom, the kitchen, closets, you name it he goes there.  He loves to open and close doors.  Not by turning the knob of course he cannot reach it, but he swings the corner of the door shut and opens it if he doesn't accidentally shut it all the way.  Sometimes he goes into a room and then accidentally shuts the door completely and I can't find him for a moment.  Eeeeeekkkkk!!!!  Scares me to death.

2.  Joe can get up on all fours.  He gets up on all fours and "rocks it"........literally he rocks himself ...back and fourth - back and fourth - back and fourth.  It is so cute to watch him do this.  Concentrating and trying to rock faster and faster until he is too tired and needs a break.  He looks like he is training for his event in the Olympics or something.  Some mornings when I hear he is awake - I go to his room to get him up for the day and there he is in his footy jammies rocking his little heart out :)

3.  Joe likes to stand!  He can stand up against something, so we like to use the ottoman.  We put some toys up there and he stands to play with them.  Then we work on some side walking all with the lovely Kim, his physical therapist.  He does well with it - really well - like it shocked me to be honest with you.  It really made me feel like Joe will walk someday, which was always a fear of mine.  No one wants to think about their child not being able to walk, but it's a realistic thought in my life sadly.  Regardless, Joe is awesome - walking or not. He will be the most popular kid in school probably.  Everyone wants to be Joe's friend :) 

4.  Joe is getting better at sitting.  He can't sit the best on his own, but it's 100x's better than it was early summer.  He can sit for about 5 minutes at a time.  It looks awkward too.  He never puts himself into a sitting position either, if I do it - or one of his lovely therapy ladies - he will sit well.  He actually tries to get himself into a standing against furniture position more often than trying to sit up on his own.  He must be an overachiever - sitting? what?.....heck lets stand up instead!

5.  Joe started a new medication.  It is called baclaphen.  This is a muscle relaxer.  He is super tight on his right side (especially that right hand), trunk muscles, and his feet.  This will help loosen him up so he can start doing the physical things he wants to do.  I noticed a difference almost immediately.  That was when he started to crawl everywhere and he actually uses his right arm now.  He uses it to hold himself up when he is sitting and "rocking it".  He also moves it forward when he crawls.  His right arm use to get stuck behind him and that is why he wouldn't crawl.  It was like a light bulb went off in his head when he started the baclaphen - like suddenly he could feel his body better and make it move.  It's a magic potion :)

6.  Joe has a lot of his teeth now.  He only has like 5 more to go I think and that includes his 2 year old molars.  He has the best smile ever :)

7.  Joe loves loves and I mean he really loves sweets.  He has such a sweet tooth.  Ice cream, bars, cookies, donuts, fudge, you name it!  He doesn't have any texture issues if it's covered in sugar or frosting.  Joe doesn't really like "dry" foods like crackers and bread.  I think the texture bugs him and he is afraid of choking, but....if it's a dessert of some kind he will eat it in 1.25 seconds flat!  He also loves potatoes, rice, hamburger, and noodles.  He is doing a fantastic job feeding himself.  He doesn't use an eating utensil, but can eat almost anything with his left hand.  He is also drinking out of a sippy all by himself.  He uses the sippy cups with handles because he has to do it with his left hand which isn't big enough to wrap around a cup.  Very independent little fella - does not want mom to feed him (unless it's ice-cream or pudding).

8.  Joe isn't doing much talking.  He knows I am his Mumma and he can say Dada.  I think he recently realized Raymond is "Dada".  Sometimes I hear a "yeah" out of him or a "deedee"  "beebee".....I have no idea about those 2 but it's cute because he smiles when he says it.  He likes to smack his lips, click his tongue, and give kisses too.  When I speak to Joe he mimics my lip movements but sound does not come out of his mouth.  Raymond and I were concerned about this, knowing he should be talking by now.  Joe recently had an appointment with the pediatric neurologist - Dr. Sanchez - who is such a lovely man I really really like him.  I think he is so wonderful with kids and a great Dr!  At the appointment, Dr. Sanchez explained to me that the larger bleed Joe had, the grade IV, actually damaged the speech area of the brain.  Not solely the speech area, but the majority of the bleed occurred in there.  So that would explain his aphasia or lack of communicating or speaking.  There are 2 common areas of the speech part of the brain (I hope I am going to explain right - I have been out of the medical terminology loop for awhile now).  There is the Broca Area and Wernicke's Area.  From what I understood from his speech therapist is that Broca is a receptor, understanding the communication and processing it.  So... we ask you to something and you interpret the language and respond appropriately to it.  The Wernicke's is actually executing what you want to say and do after you have interpreted it.  Does that make sense?  I hope I am not giving false info and I should google maybe.....haha!  Again any medical friends feel free to correct me so I don't look like an idiot! I could of got them backwards! It seems Joe can interpret what we are saying and not execute his response.  So basically, he can't say what he wants to say because that part of his brain was damaged which hindered the learning process of speech and speaking for him.  He has to learn speech by training different areas in the brain to learn communication and speaking.  A child's brain isn't wired yet - he can rewire his brain using a different route to learn to speech instead of the typical route already given to us at birth.  I must be honest this bothered me.......it made me sad.......I thought about it a lot.  What if my son can never tell me what he is thinking?  What if I can never hear his voice.....?  What if I never know what he is thinking because he can't tell me and gives up on it?   I want to talk to my son - I want to be able to hear what he has to say.  The lovely Amanda (Joe's speech therapist) told me that she doesn't feel like Joe will not talk, in fact she is confident he will.  He will just have to work harder at it then everyone else, so that helped get me off my pity train :)  Plus I shouldn't feel sorry for myself about that kind of stuff - I should be grateful he is here, but I think I deserve too sometimes :)

Wikipedia is the smartest!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wernicke's_area

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broca's_area

                       Merry Chirstmas!




****Sorry about the long post****

  

Thankful

It's the last day of turkey month and I still have not posted what I am thankful for! 

I have so much to be thankful for too!

1.  I have 2 beautiful, fantastic, amazing, little boys in my life that love me unconditionally.  Thank you Blake and Joe - the apples of my eye!  You guys give me so much happiness that words cannot describe it.  I love you both with my whole heart! 

2.  I love my house.  I am so grateful that every night I come home and have a place to sleep, but not just that...... I go to a home I love.  I wouldn't trade my old house to live in a mansion with a butler!  (well a butler might convince me otherwise...haha!)

3.  I have a job..........and it sucks and stresses me out a lot I won't lie - but I have one and so many people are struggling out there trying to find work and a way to pay the bills, so I feel guilty whenever I complain about it and the stress.  I remind myself to be grateful and thankful I have a place to call my work!  Plus I have the greatest coworkers in the entire world.  I guess you have to trade off, you can't have both a fantastic stress free job and the greatest coworkers in the entire world.  I will take the coworkers!

4.  Coffee and Diet Coke

5.  I have 2 angels watching over me.

6.  My brother Michael is alive and here!  You forget how much you love your family and take them for granted, until something terrible happens.  I don't want something terrible to happen for me to be thankful for them, so I will always remember this when I push back a trip to visit or say "I will give them a call tomorrow - I am tired tonight."  There might not always be a tomorrow to talk to them - enjoy every moment you can and make time for the people you love.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in unimportant crap!

7.  I am with the love of my life - need I say more!  I don't know what we do that makes it so great, in fact we have that conversation often pondering that very question.  I am so lucky and grateful to have such a wonderful partner to share my life with!  I wonder what I did right in life to deserve the happiness he gives me!

Happy Thanksgiving month to everyone!  Now bring on Christmas!